The fog that surrounds us

The page before me is blinding.  It’s blank… empty; void of color, of life and emotion.  And yet, it lies before me, waiting for inspiration, feeling and depth.   On most days, such a temptation would be short lived.  I would have a million ideas of how to fill it and my fingers would be furiously reacting to it.  But lately, it remains blank and the ideas are fleeting.  But not because I lack emotion, in fact, it’s the exact opposite.  My emotions have over taken me.  The enormity of them, have left me breathless, burdened and exhausted.

Depression falls over me when I least expect it, like a fog blankets the earth in the cool air of the morning.  It sets low and heavy and with overwhelming density while just around the corner it hovers above the ground with translucent waves of white.   Sometimes depression is just like this fog and it becomes difficult to navigate life because I don’t how to anticipate valleys and peaks. 

Opening my eyes to depression does not mean that I accept it.  It doesn’t mean that I am weaker than others who do not succumb to it.  It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with me that  
the daily toils of life weigh me down.   And it doesn’t mean that I cannot handle emotions well because I allow the sadness to escape through tears on my cheek or through angry words directed at passersby.

Depression is a signal to me that it is time to rest; a time to give up the try hard life of perceived perfection and getting it all done.    I am tired, so tired of trying to do it all my way and relentlessly failing while pretending that I have it all under control.   I need to open my heart fully and completely to God and allow His will to be, instead of stubbornly insisting that my own way is better.  My efforts are futile against His.   It is time to surrender and just receive.  Receive love and forgiveness for my weary soul.  I ask for help and He loves me more.  This is the beauty of the lifted fog springing forth and exposing my Savior rising high above me, arms outstretched, emanating love.

When I am depressed, I pray for mercy like a beggar in the street; my empty hands waiting for a morsel of relief.  Sitting heavy in the word and meditating on Him transforms me.  My strength comes from Him.   His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in my weakness 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

And I am weak, so weak, and yet He loves me.  He wants me to come to him daily with all that I seek, all that I dream and all that I worry about.  He wants to be the bread that I hunger for and He is.  I just need the fog to clear from my head and remember His love and His promises and give him all of my anxieties. 

Lord, have mercy on me – a poor sinful being.

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you now that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

 

 

 

 

How do you deal with depression?  What's it like for you?  Do you find it difficult to ask for help?  What's your go-to strategy - food, sleep, exercise, friends?   Share your experiences with me and lets develop a community to lean on when we feel our weakest.