Growing Pains

The sun is warm, the air cool.  The sky is filled with fluffy white clouds.  My heart is full as I watch the sweet children play games in the soft, green grass.  I sit and watch a while, smiling inside and out thinking that all days should be so beautiful.

Unfortunately, not all days are.  Last night was a tough one for my daughter.  Her first “growing pain” of having to choose between activities because there are not enough hours in the day or days in the week to do all that she wants to do.  She was forced  to pick only one and she was heart broken.  Panic filled her breath and tears filled her eyes.

Trying to console her, I suggested thinking on it for a day and not making a quick decision.  I think she just wanted to get it over with though and NOT think on it at all; not think about the fun she had, the progress she made, the friendships she grew.  She blurted her choice out hastily and retreated to her room, still obviously upset.

 

Photo courtesy of www.coolpicturegallery.com

 

I hated that she was placed in that spot, but it was out of my hands.   I needed her to make the decision instead of me making it for her and choosing incorrectly.  The schedules were set for both activities and they conflicted with each other.  I am sure this is the first of many such tough decisions she will face but I feel confident that she is growing equipped with the right tools to make them.

At bedtime, I prayed with her.  She was still a bit sad.  I said my own prayer while she recited hers. 

Lord, continue to grow this child in Your grace.  Guide her with the Spirit that she may come to You with concerns and worries and leave them at Your feet.   Help her to grow in confidence to make good decisions and steer her toward Your will and Your plan which was designed before she was even born. Spare her tender heart of pain from this decision.  And Lord, help me to allow her to grow up as well.  It’s hard to let go as I watch her beauty and talents flourish.  And it’s selfish of me to keep her wrapped in my arms, knowing that she is only going to leave the nest one day to become a lovely woman.  Lord, please grow us up together.  Amen.

 

Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart for my holy purpose.  Jeremiah 1:5

 

Have you had a similar situation with your growing child?  Are you ready to allow them to grow up?  Please share your experiences with me in the comments.

Perspective

Struggling with complexities of life, I decided to take a walk one day.  It turned into a walk with God and a true eye opener for me on God’s unending love and grace.

As I was walking, I saw many things: a squirrel, a turkey, a small stream, eggs in a nest on the ground, a crawdad and a deer.  Alone, they were just creatures and water, but it wasn’t until I saw the deer that I put all of it together.  It was then, that my mind heart and mind were opened to the true representation of each object.
 
Starting from my home and walking down the drive way, a squirrel was jumping in the tree above me; causing the recently fallen rain to drop on me like a gentle mist.  It was as though the squirrel was taunting me, tempting me to get angry, but I kept walking and just smiled, shaking my head.
 
At the end of the drive way, I stopped to stretch and I saw a turkey darting across the road. Hurrying to get where she needed, she didn’t pay much attention to traffic or anything else.  I could hear her putting a call to whomever would listen, just like me most mornings, frantic and panicked to get out the  door, yelling at the kids to hurry up and “Why does it take 20 minutes to eat a bowl of cereal!”
 
Down the road a bit, I saw a small stream, tucked so neatly between the trees.  I had no idea it existed before that moment even though I had driven by it at least two times a day, every day.   It was peaceful and clear and trickled quietly, patiently over the rocks along the way, flowing smoothly between the edges of the banks that contained it.  I stopped for a moment to take it in.
 
Traveling a bit further down the road was a nest with 7 eggs. They were too small to be goose eggs, but in an odd location for chickens since the nest was only 2 feet from the road, on the ground, and in plain sight; baking in the warm sun.  Mother bird was no where to be seen and the eggs were in danger of predators.  Perhaps mother bird was somewhere near, watching for danger, but she was missing at the moment and unable to help the unborn birds survive their most vulnerable stage of life.
 
Down the way a bit more, was a large crawdad, walking across the road. It was moving quickly and did not pay any attention to me at all. I stepped hard, right in front of it.  It reared up on it’s back legs and tail and raised it’s claws, but not to attack, only to defend.  It knew that danger was near and this was it's defense. Some thing new, some one new had approached and was too close.
 

A few more steps and off to my left was a deer; a beautiful creature.  She stood so still, so quietly, so patiently; almost like she was holding her breath so she wouldn’t be seen.  I could almost hear her thoughts, “Keep walking and don’t stop.”  She waited until I passed and then I heard her flee to safety, away from me and others that might hurt her.
 
It was at this moment, that I gained a new perspective on things I had seen during my walk.  I continued walking and began praying.  I prayed for all the things I had just witnessed, exposed in their most raw form.

* God give me strength to resist temptation and grant me a clear conscience; one not clouded by other’s input and Satan’s mockery, much like the squirrel attempted.  

* The turkey and the crawdad brought me to pray for observation of those things that I don’t always see, to become more visible; whether it’s danger or something beautiful and worthwhile. 

* I prayed for patience, peace and tranquility in my life, like that shown in the small stream.   Lord, lead me by the Spirit and stay my thoughts within the bounds of your will. 

* The eggs reminded me to pray for good health and safety my family and should it happen, allow me the strength to help them through disease, danger, and bad decision making.  

* Lastly, I prayed for people to come into my life, that I would not allow fear to penetrate new relationships.  Bring others in to my circle of trust, that they would know me, as me, and not the woman I portray on the outside.   This was not a new prayer though, I often feel like the deer hiding in plain sight, retreating as quickly as possible when no one is looking.

The deer also opened my eyes and allowed me to see that I am a child of God, worthy of knowing, of loving and caring.  God does not want His people to be lonely, which is why He created a companion for Adam.  I am not meant to sit in my comfortable clothes, on my cushy couch, writing these things for only myself.  So instead, I share them with you and hope that you too, can find comfort in God’s love and unending grace.

Have you had such an experience and gained new perspective?  Please share it with me in the comments below.  I would love to share your walk!

Blessed in the Journey

Imagine a professional basketball stadium filled with 17,000 teenagers and their chaperones, assembled for one purpose, to praise God. It's dark and loud as the chatter of anxious teens wait for the program to start. Suddenly a voice comes alive, louder than the chatter and a spot light shines down on the stage. The program begins and the story of Jesus death and resurrection plays out in front of us. It is breath taking...beautiful...sad… and glorious all in one breath. I am so moved by the Spirit, I cry tears of joy and my heart is bursting with love for my Father who has given up so much to give me eternal life.

This was the scene in the summer of 1989 when I attended the LCMS National Youth Gathering in Denver, Colorado. The theme was Blessed in the Journey and it was the first such journey that I had taken without my parents for more than an over night. Now, here I was, over 1000 miles away from them for 5 days. I was 17, about to enter my senior year of high school, and I thought I already knew it all. But there was so much I didn't know and this trip opened my eyes to the ways of the world and the ways of God.

I don't remember going to church on a regular basis before I started confirmation classes in 7th grade. Every Saturday morning for two years, I would sit with my Pastor and one or two other young ladies and we would study God's word. This was all new to me. I knew a few bible stories, but that was nothing compared to what I learned during those two years. They were indeed a blessing too.

I became more involved with the church and youth group after confirmation. I really enjoyed being with my new found friends. We were a very active youth group that spilled over into Sunday School. We had an excellent teacher who always seemed to challenge me to think outside of the box. I appreciated his teaching style and learned a lot about myself during those years too.

Many years later, I find myself wanting to find a way to reach out to others and share, but my guarded approach has not always been conducive to that. My nature is to be quiet yet inquisitive of others, keeping my personal life just out of their reach. When the fog of life settles upon me though, this is one of my greatest regrets. So one of my repeated prayers has been to find a way to reach out to a bigger community and share. I pray that this blog is just such the medium to accomplish that and I finally have the courage to try.

My journey has not always seemed like a blessing at the time, but I have learned that all things happen according to God's will and timing, not mine. I continue to learn and grow in God's word every day. I am amazed by His forgiving spirit and enduring love. There is still so much I do not know, so my journey continues with it's twists and turns of life.

Always anxious to see the next chapter, I pray you will journey with me, checking in and sharing your experiences and blessings, even if it doesn't seem like a blessing at the time.