Goodbye for now...

 

I have to say goodbye this week to my Granny.  It’s a very hard thing to do.  The words will not come, but the tears and emotions flow easily.  The memories of our times spent together are overflowing my senses.  Sometimes they comfort me and other times, I just curl up into a ball and let them all out on my pillow.  But whatever the emotion, I know in my heart that Granny is happy now.  She is with Jesus and Grandpa.

 

Some of my favorite memories

My Granny was a very proud Southern Lady.  She used to get after us as little girls for not wearing stockings to church because young ladies shouldn’t have bare legs.   

 

She always dressed for the occasion, complete with earrings and lipstick.  When I was younger, it was a bright pink lipstick that left a smudge on my cheek that I would quickly wipe away.  Now I would love to have that pink stain my cheek.

 

She made the best chocolate chip cookies in the world, but you couldn’t pin down her recipe, because it was always a pinch of this and a little of that.  She hasn’t made them in a while, but my mouth waters just thinking about them. 

 

When I was fairly young, she kept a candy dish on the TV in the living room, generally with the Brach’s flavored candies.  I would sneak one or two when I came in to use the rest room, which was often, because she had the best sweet tea, that we drank from Dixie cups!

 

Her character 

She will be missed but I am so glad that her sadness has ended.  I am blessed that she had a relationship with God and passed it down to her children and grandchildren so that I could grow up in a Christian home.  This is definitely the most precious gift she has ever given to me.  I can remember sitting in church on Sunday’s either directly in front of or right behind her and trying to act my very best.  Granny always thought that my sister and I were so polite and nice.  I didn’t want to disappoint her, even if I thought (knew) otherwise.

 

I think she has passed down some other things to me too.  Like her temperament; she was fairly reserved until she was mad, then you didn’t know what she was going to say.  She was stubborn but hated making decisions.   At the same time, she was kind and very polite, a sweet contradiction to her stubbornness and irritation.   But most of all, she loved children and they loved her.  And I can honestly say those same things about myself.

 

Some truths

Something that I cannot say about her, but I do know about myself, is that I am a crier.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and to see someone upset or distressed about losing a loved one will bring me quicker to tears than sneezing at pepper!  I cannot help it.  I know the Lord promised to be with us always, even unto death, but I will cry every time.  I know that we will be reunited in Heaven where He is preparing room for us, but right now, my Dad’s heart hurts, and I cannot stand it.  This is the first opportunity he has had to breathe in a while, and it’s painful without her.  Even though Granny is resting now, it’s also my Dad’s turn to rest and trust in the Lord that His will is being done.  It is Granny’s time to be with the Lord, no matter how much we are not ready to let her go.   We know these truths.  And yet, I cry.  Big sloppy, snotty crocodile tears.  And while it may not be lady like, it’s what I do.

 

Because of my relationship with the Lord, I know that death is only temporary, and someday, I will be reunited with Granny in heaven.   Until then, I will continue to praise the Lord for the gifts in my life, including my loved ones past and present, who journey with me along the way.  I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide and uphold us this week, so that we will continue to seek His truths and to rest and trust in Him.  He is our light and our salvation forever and ever.  Amen

 

 

 

 

Blessed in the Journey

Imagine a professional basketball stadium filled with 17,000 teenagers and their chaperones, assembled for one purpose, to praise God. It's dark and loud as the chatter of anxious teens wait for the program to start. Suddenly a voice comes alive, louder than the chatter and a spot light shines down on the stage. The program begins and the story of Jesus death and resurrection plays out in front of us. It is breath taking...beautiful...sad… and glorious all in one breath. I am so moved by the Spirit, I cry tears of joy and my heart is bursting with love for my Father who has given up so much to give me eternal life.

This was the scene in the summer of 1989 when I attended the LCMS National Youth Gathering in Denver, Colorado. The theme was Blessed in the Journey and it was the first such journey that I had taken without my parents for more than an over night. Now, here I was, over 1000 miles away from them for 5 days. I was 17, about to enter my senior year of high school, and I thought I already knew it all. But there was so much I didn't know and this trip opened my eyes to the ways of the world and the ways of God.

I don't remember going to church on a regular basis before I started confirmation classes in 7th grade. Every Saturday morning for two years, I would sit with my Pastor and one or two other young ladies and we would study God's word. This was all new to me. I knew a few bible stories, but that was nothing compared to what I learned during those two years. They were indeed a blessing too.

I became more involved with the church and youth group after confirmation. I really enjoyed being with my new found friends. We were a very active youth group that spilled over into Sunday School. We had an excellent teacher who always seemed to challenge me to think outside of the box. I appreciated his teaching style and learned a lot about myself during those years too.

Many years later, I find myself wanting to find a way to reach out to others and share, but my guarded approach has not always been conducive to that. My nature is to be quiet yet inquisitive of others, keeping my personal life just out of their reach. When the fog of life settles upon me though, this is one of my greatest regrets. So one of my repeated prayers has been to find a way to reach out to a bigger community and share. I pray that this blog is just such the medium to accomplish that and I finally have the courage to try.

My journey has not always seemed like a blessing at the time, but I have learned that all things happen according to God's will and timing, not mine. I continue to learn and grow in God's word every day. I am amazed by His forgiving spirit and enduring love. There is still so much I do not know, so my journey continues with it's twists and turns of life.

Always anxious to see the next chapter, I pray you will journey with me, checking in and sharing your experiences and blessings, even if it doesn't seem like a blessing at the time.